So, our heat is fixed now! Yay!! It's awesome to actually be warm in my house instead of having to basically sit on top of the heaters we had. I've also been trying to stay on top of my housework in preparation for my return to work in T minus 3 weeks. I'm so not happy about going back to work. I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom, and some days (like today when all of the babies are being totally unpleasant), I feel like there is no way I could do it BUT I'm going to miss my kids so so much. They'll be spending more time with Rachel than with me. What if Finn starts to get confused about his mama? Then, there's the financial aspect of going back to work. James doesn't really make enough for me to stay home and I carry our (awesome) health insurance. I feel like the solution would be for me to find another job, but then I worry that I'm going to burn a bridge at Medtronic and with my bosses, who have been amazing through all of this unexpected pregnancy, bedrest, and then not being protected by FMLA. Plus, I kinda like my job (most of the time), but is it worth it to be spending these formative years away from the boys for 10-11 hours a day? I've been putting James' resume out there quite a bit and we thought we almost had a job with the company my dad works for, but he was beaten out by one other, slightly more qualified person. It sucks, but I know that when it's supposed to work out, it will. I just wish I could give James that same hope. I just talked to him on the phone and he sounds so tired and beaten down- I want to be able to do more to help because I hate it when he's like that.

I'm Blessed

As I sit here with my children running amok around me, I tune out the messes scattered across my living room and I think about the blessings in my life. I'm not a very religious person as I still feel like I'm trying to figure things out. I do think that God has had a hand in my life and am thankful that even though I'm not always obedient to his word, he knows this is a temporary questioning of what I believe rather than a break from believing.

I'm blessed to be these boys' mama. How lucky am I to be entrusted to raise these three gorgeous boys? After numerous pregnancy complications and a few illnesses that have landed us in the hospital for days at a time, they're healthy and (usually) happy. I get to be the person that guides them through this amazing journey and while that scares the shit out of me, it also makes me happy that someone up there has given me that honor. And as my boys get older and eventually get bigger than their little mama, I will look back on these days crammed into this little bitty house with not very much money with three little babies and wonder why I wished these days away. My kids drive me a very good kind of crazy and I can't imagine life without each one of them in it (even if only Gavin was planned ;) )

I'm blessed to be traveling through life with James. What a wonderful, patient man he is for being able to deal with me. He works so hard and sometimes I'm so hard on him and I don't know why. We've had a bit of a tumultuous relationship in the past, but after he was faced with possibly losing Sean and I, he turned everything around and has become the best husband and father that I know. He's also my best friend. In a time where it seems like my friends have all drifted away due to my having babies and being married, whereas they're still partying and going to school. It's not that I don't still love most of those people, it's just that I don't care how wasted/stoned you got on Saturday night- I would rather talk about how great my pediatrician is. James has really stepped up and been there to listen to all of the nonsense things I need to talk about that my friends used to hear from me.

Don't get me wrong, I do still have some great friends. Jenny is definitely my girl best friend- I mean, she watched me give birth- there's not much more she doesn't know. And there are of course some things I can't tell James- like when I need someone to gripe about him to :) Ashley is still there, it's hard to believe we'll have been friends for 10 years in 2010...and she's still the person I would have help me hide a body. I know I can ask her for just about anything and the answer will be "yes" because she's still, after all the years, fights, and lack of being able to live in the same room together, my sister. I'm also slowly making some "mom" friends that have been a great support system. If you know me at all, you know I'm slow to make friends because I'm pretty painfully shy in situations where I know no one and I'm always scared that people don't like me (Thank you, self-esteem issues). It's taken me almost three years in this mom's group to finally feel comfortable calling some of these women my friends and I'm glad to finally be starting to get comfortable opening up to people. I'm blessed to have all of you women in my life.

I'm blessed to have the family I have. I'm going to tell all of you that my parents are amazing. They have never let us go without and have made sacrifices to make sure their kids are taken care of. Case in point- We've been without heat (or a/c) for a while due to our a/c unit completely breaking down and leaking all over, which ruined my floors and left me unable to use it at all. We haven't had the (almost) $3,000 to replace it, so we were waiting on our income tax refund to come in, but that won't be until February (at the earliest), so we have been trying to stay warm through little heaters and bundling under blankets and making sure the kids were in nice, warm sleepers. The temperature has been hanging around 65* in the living room, so we're not freezing to death, but it's chilly in here. My parents called us on Wednesday night and offered to pay to have the entire unit replaced as a Christmas gift. I was ready to cry because that takes a huge HUGE burden off of us because I was feeling like a failure as a mom because my kids are living in a cold house. I appreciate all these things that my parents have done for us- especially since we don't necessarily have that same help from the other side. So now, we can fix a few other things and catch up on a lot of bills that have fallen behind due to James' lowered income. I am blessed that my parents are also there to listen and talk to whenever I need them. They may share their opinions with us, but they are both a great sounding board whenever we just need to talk things out. My mom has also become one of my best friends, which I never thought would have happened. She garners a lot of respect from me for being such a hard worker and a great mom. I love you, Mom and Daddy.

I want to end this post by asking everyone to count their blessings as a few of the blogs that I read on a regular basis have reminded me that while financially we don't have a lot, emotionally and physically, my cup runneth over. Thank you, God, for giving me all these little blessings in my life and for continuing to bless me and my family.

Weight Watchers and whatnot

I'm really terrible about staying on top of this thing, but forgive me for tending to my children...most of the time at least. Every day I wake up and I swear that I'm going to update the blog and then someone needs a snack or I need to referee something or someone needs their butt wiped and it wouldn't be very motherly like of me to not do those things, right? :) Life has been business as usual in the Hayes household. Sean's still not interested in potty training, even after I've resorted to lots of bribing and he spends most of his day alternating between loving his brothers to death and trying to be Gavin's boss. I find myself repeating "Mommy is the boss!" multiple times throughout the day. I've always loved being the boss of things....I wonder where Sean gets that from? LOL.

One thing that is new in our house is that I've started Weight Watchers, and I've already fallen off the wagon super hard-core. I *want* to lose weight, it's just super hard having willpower when you have Christmas cookies to make and sitting in this house most of the time makes it difficult to resist the pull of the pantry. I'm trying to gather as many recipes that I can in the hopes that once the holidays are over and I'm back at work (WAH!!!), it will be easier to stay on track and I can go to the gym. I'm planning on trying to add some recipes to the blog so that I have them all in one place rather than searching all over hell's hot acre trying to find the exact recipe that I want. The one positive to my going back to work is that I shouldn't be able to not find an excuse to work out since the gym is on the MDT campus and I can work out before work or during lunch- I just have to save enough time to pump.

I loathe pumping, but I love being able to breastfeed my baby, so I'm going to keep it up. And this time there should be none of the stopping at 8 months due to losing supply because of a (VERY) unexpected pregnancy because James has officially been clipped :) The more I think about it, the happier I am with our decision because we have three gorgeous, healthy boys and I know I couldn't physically or emotionally handle another pregnancy (and bedrest) AND there's no way I could be able to afford to have a fourth child. The only thing I'm a little sad about is that it seems like all of my baby years are going to be over so quickly that I might not treasure things as much as I need to. I'm hoping that as my friends have babies, I'll be able to quench the inevitable baby fever that will occur and then I'll remind myself of all the sleepless nights I won't have to go through anymore and be thankful that I won't ever have to deal with that again. Alright, Gav is waking up- off to Mommy duty.

It's been a hot minute and Finn's Birth Story

I sort of abandoned my blog for a while because I had nothing to say that didn't involve me whining about being tired of being pregnant. I decided to come back to bloggy land after realizing that I update my Facebook status 3,000 times a day and my husband is getting tired of me calling him every hour to say "hi", so I think I'm a bit lonely sitting here with only the boys to talk to most days. I'll start by saying that our littlest boy, Finn Randall is now 1 month old. He was born on October 21, 2009 at 7:09 p.m.. His birth story will follow at the end of this post. The big boys are doing well and it seems like they're enjoying having their mama home with them just a little bit longer. I'm hoping not to go back to work until the first week of January, even if it means taking a little bit of a financial hit for a couple of months. I *REALLY* wish that I didn't have to go back to work, but I carry the health insurance and it's damn good insurance....and with 3 boys, we need good insurance since someone will end up hurting themselves at some point. James is doing well, but we're continuing to look for another job for him in order for me to start staying at home. I'm going to try and do better with the updating of the blog since I'm starting to do a little bit better with juggling life these days. Now...off to the birth story....

Finn Randall
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
7:09 p.m. 6lbs 1 ounce 19.5 inches long


The story really starts on Monday. I had my normal weekly dr's appt. and BPP. Everything looked good, but my blood pressure was really high (130/100). Dr. Hamby increased my meds and wanted me back the next morning to go over my blood work. I asked the nurse what would happen if my BP was still high and she said that it was likely that he would induce. Well, that led to a flurry of activity on Monday to try and get our house and our lives ready for the baby since I was skeptical that my blood pressure would be coming down. I went in Tuesday morning fully expecting to be sent to the hospital (and had even thrown my hospital bag in the truck). My blood pressure was the same as the day before, so when the nurse left me in the exam room, I was getting excited thinking I was going to be having a baby. When the doctor came in the room, he informed me that despite my BP being that high, my blood work was perfect, so there was no need to induce me. I was so happy that everything looked good with the baby, but I was so DONE with being pregnant. I couldn't hold back the tears and I know my poor OB felt horrible for me, but I told him I understood. When I was leaving I called James in tears and then started driving home where I was going to spend the day feeling sorry for myself. I called R, the kids' sitter, and told her and she told me that we were going to the mall to walk this baby out. We loaded up all the kids and did many, many laps around the mall in order to try to get my sporadic contractions to lead to something. No dice- all I was left with was a sore back, sore feet, and I was tired from dragging my kids around. I went home and did the normal dinner/bath/bedtime routine, but I told James that I wasn't feeling very good. Then, my stomach decided to go rogue and I spent around 4 hours in the bathroom (10 p.m.-2 a.m.). I finally fell asleep around 2:30 a.m. and woke around 6:30 a.m. with Gavin and I was feeling pretty rough between my continuing stomach cramps and lack of sleep. I basically let the kids play as the wanted, while I spent my time in my chair trying not to move. Around 8:30 a.m., I felt two really strong back-to-back contractions and I remember thinking to myself "hmm...that was weird". The contractions continued to come on at around 10 minutes apart until around 10:30 a.m., when they moved to 5-6 minutes apart. I knew something was going on because they were definitely hurting and definitely weren't going away, so I called James to come home so that we could go get checked out and then called my mom to come watch the boys. I started getting the kids bag together just in case, and threw the last few things in mine and James' bag. I still didn't think I was in labor, but I wanted to be ready. Around 11:45, my contractions slowed back down to 15 minutes apart, and I contemplated calling James and my mom and telling them not to worry about it, but I figured I may as well get checked and if it was a false alarm, I'll just get some time with my husband. Mom got here around 12 and James got home around 12:30 and was ready to jet out the door, but I explained to him that I would rather not be taken to the hospital by the Orkin man and he could change into regular clothes since the baby wasn't crowning or anything. We didn't take our bags or anything since we figured it wasn't real since I had never gone into labor on my own. Once we got in the truck, I told him my contractions had slowed down, so he needed to hit all the bumps he could and that we were going to walk around the parking garage a few times before we went in. We got to the hospital around 1:15 and we walked around the parking garage multiple times and I even did lunges up the ramp and the stairs. After about the fourth time up and down the stairs 2 at a time (and James telling me that I wasn't in labor and was going to be sent home), I got a really, really strong contraction and I told him that it was time to go into the building. We walked in around 2 p.m. and while I was sent to be monitored (and be asked the multitude of questions which James couldn't be in the room for), I told James to go grab a burger since he hadn't eaten all day. I was having some contractions about 5-6 minutes apart, but the monitor was picking them up as very mild, which they were NOT. I told the nurses that under no circumstances were these mild contractions and I was having to breathe through them. She went ahead and checked me and asked what I had been at my last dr's appt (2 cm) and then informed me that I was at a 4 and was in labor. My blood pressure was also high and I was going to have a baby! After this was established, everything started moving pretty quickly. At 3 p.m., I was moved to my labor and delivery room. I had my IV inserted, my catheter inserted (horrible), and proceeded to start begging for my epidural because my contractions had gone from not comfortable to miserable in about 20 minutes and I was moaning and vocalizing through them. The worst part was that James had to leave to get the boys taken care of and to grab our bag. Right after James left, they started the most horrible drug in the whole world, Magnesium Sulfate. It made me so out of it and feel terrible. They also had to start Pitocin since the Mag would stop my contractions. I was still begging for my epidural, but my blood tests were taking forever to get back. Finally, around 4:45, my blood work was back and my husband walked in the room. I was so glad to see the anesthesiologist, but it took forever to get the epi placed and it didn't feel right from the beginning. I kept having patches of skin that I could feel contractions, but I figured it was ok as long as I didn't feel the actual birth (Ha!). Around 5:15, the doctor came in and broke my water and talked to us for a few minutes. He also checked me at this point and I was at 6 cm. He predicted I would have a baby by 7 p.m., which I laughed at since I was thinking it would be around 11 p.m.. At this point, my best friend, Jenny, showed up to hang out and talk to us. We were just talking, when around 6:30, I started feeling some pain on my left side that I had to stop talking through. At the next contraction, I felt everything and was moaning through it. I also started feeling nauseous and knew I was in transition, but what the hell was wrong with my epidural?!?! At this point, Jenny was still in the room with us and James told her that she was welcome to stay if she wanted, which was fine by me since we had laughingly tossed around the idea at lunch a couple of months earlier. I had the nurse check me and I was at a 9. After the next contraction, I told her to call the doctor because I was ready to get the baby out. In fact, I remember moaning to "get it out" around this point because I was feeling everything and I was never planning on going natural. I finally got to start pushing around 6:55 when the doctor showed up. There was a lull in my contractions at this point, so it only took about 4 *painful* contractions until Finn arrived at 7:09 p.m.. He looked great and I got to hold him immediately after his cord was cut. I did have to spend the rest of the night in L&D rather than being moved up to recovery because I had to stay on the magnesium sulfate and be monitored. I also couldn't get out of bed or eat, so I was pretty cranky. The mag made my recovery very difficult, but after a month, I'm finally feeling like myself again.

Meeting my baby for the first time...





Sorry that was so long, but I am finally remembering a lot of details that I had left off my birth story when I wrote it a week after he was born. :)

Poor sick baby....

So, Gavin is sick, which sucks because 1. I hate seeing my kids sick and 2. I'm missing even more work. We went to the doctor yesterday because I wanted him swabbed for strep since Sean had it last week, which luckily came back negative, but led us into Unknown Virus-land. So, he's being dosed around the clock with Motrin until we can get the fever to totally break. He sleeps like crap at night, which is killing James and I, but at least he's taking a nap next to me in bed right now. Sean is also home with me today because he's better at entertaining Gavin than I am. LOL. They've been fighting and irritating each other, along with their few and far-between sweet moments. Right before naptime, they both crawled up into my lap (so, I technically have all three of them in my lap :)), and Gavin started going in for a kiss on Sean. I don't know if anyone knows this, but Gavin looooooooooves to give kisses, but usually his kisses for Sean result in him getting pushed over with a "No baby, don't do dat" from his adoring older brother. LOL. So anyway, they're both sitting there kissing each other back and forth, and then Sean taught Gavin how to eskimo kiss. Awwww...such sweet boys that are hiding under the mean-ass exteriors. :)

The Library

Let me preface this by saying- Sean has recently (within the past year) acquired a love for books. He loves to look at them, touch them, and have someone read to him (he hasn't quite perfected that skill :)). Also, for those of you who aren't around here in real life, Sean has a little speech issue that we're hoping to fix with tonsil surgery next month, which can make him hard to understand sometimes. So, last night, after I had read his books to him and turned off his lights and given him 15 bedtime kisses, I heard him yelling for me. I went back in there, and he started telling me about a stomach hurt and a caterpillar and a whole bunch of other stuff that I didn't quite catch because he was talking so fast. Then, I realized that he was talking about "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. He really loves most of Eric Carle's books, but most especially, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. After listening to him describe the book to me, I got him to finally stop talking and go to sleep by promising to go to the library tomorrow (today) and get him his "Catpiller" book. I thought he may have forgotten about it this morning because ya know...he's 3 and all, but as we were walking out the door to go to the babysitter's house, he starts talking about going to "Libary for Catpiller". I don't know how many of you have tried to reason with a 3 year old before, but getting them to understand that the library doesn't open till 10 a.m. is about as easy as trying to teach me Calculus. It ain't happenin'. And of course, we have to drive by the library in order to get to R's (the sitter). This led to an all-out temper tantrum about his book and not being able to go to the library, which was annoying because it's a temper tantrum, but at the same time, it made me smile a little. I *love* that he loves books this much- it makes me feel great that I've got a little bookworm because I'm a total nerd myself. I have always loved to read, and to see Sean have gotten that from me (because really, James is a nerd, but not of the book-reading kind), it feels like I've got a little kindred spirit. Hopefully, his love for books will continue for a long, long time and that's something we can continue to share as he gets older (although, I doubt he'll dig reading a sappy Danielle Steele book as much as I might LOL). Oh, and I totally went to the library on my lunch break (I know, I know bedrest...) and got his book and a couple to keep me company for a few days :)

And so it begins...

After debating for a few weeks about starting a blog and whether it was too self-indulgent (because really, who doesn't like talking about themselves??), I bit the bullet and just did it. I guess I'll make this my intro post for you people who either don't know me or only know me as your trusty "Board Leader" on BZ. Obviously, I'm Hayley- the birther of the all the boys and the queen of our humble little abode. I'm 23 and I work out of the home (except right now, I'm at home, bedresting but working from home) for a big company that has nothing to do with my degree. My job is just that...a job. I would prefer to be home with my boys, but alas, it isn't looking likely at the moment.
My hubby is James, and really, as much as I (will) bitch about him, he's pretty damn great most of the time. He wrangles the boys and puts up with me, so there isn't much more I could ask for. Our oldest is Sean, and he turned 3 a couple of months ago. He's a silly, sweet, and super smart little dude. He loves bugs, trains, airplanes, books, and his Mama. He's much more laid-back than his little brother, but that doesn't stop him from being a hell-raiser most of the time.
Gavin , who just turned 1 last month, is our second son, and is our little cling-on. He pretty much likes to irritate Sean and sit in mine or James' laps. He looks like a little cherub with his bright red hair, but don't let that fool you, people- the child is a tantrum-throwing machine.
Our as-yet-unborn third child is (tentatively) named Finn. He should be here sometime around the end of October, but if my blood pressure doesn't calm itself down, the doctor may have other plans for him. This is why I get to have lots and lots of doctors appointments and take tons of pills every day and I'm supposed to be keeping my happy ass in bed- just to see if we can continue to buy time to let Finn grow.
After Finn is born, James gets to be rendered sterile because I'm afraid these three boys in 3 years (so much for PCOS, and possibly never having kids..) may just drive me to the looney bin. And for all you our there that will ask, it sure would have been nice to have a little girl, but I know that I'm supposed to have these three little boys and wouldn't trade them for all the girly clothes, names, and drama in the world :)