I'm Blessed

As I sit here with my children running amok around me, I tune out the messes scattered across my living room and I think about the blessings in my life. I'm not a very religious person as I still feel like I'm trying to figure things out. I do think that God has had a hand in my life and am thankful that even though I'm not always obedient to his word, he knows this is a temporary questioning of what I believe rather than a break from believing.

I'm blessed to be these boys' mama. How lucky am I to be entrusted to raise these three gorgeous boys? After numerous pregnancy complications and a few illnesses that have landed us in the hospital for days at a time, they're healthy and (usually) happy. I get to be the person that guides them through this amazing journey and while that scares the shit out of me, it also makes me happy that someone up there has given me that honor. And as my boys get older and eventually get bigger than their little mama, I will look back on these days crammed into this little bitty house with not very much money with three little babies and wonder why I wished these days away. My kids drive me a very good kind of crazy and I can't imagine life without each one of them in it (even if only Gavin was planned ;) )

I'm blessed to be traveling through life with James. What a wonderful, patient man he is for being able to deal with me. He works so hard and sometimes I'm so hard on him and I don't know why. We've had a bit of a tumultuous relationship in the past, but after he was faced with possibly losing Sean and I, he turned everything around and has become the best husband and father that I know. He's also my best friend. In a time where it seems like my friends have all drifted away due to my having babies and being married, whereas they're still partying and going to school. It's not that I don't still love most of those people, it's just that I don't care how wasted/stoned you got on Saturday night- I would rather talk about how great my pediatrician is. James has really stepped up and been there to listen to all of the nonsense things I need to talk about that my friends used to hear from me.

Don't get me wrong, I do still have some great friends. Jenny is definitely my girl best friend- I mean, she watched me give birth- there's not much more she doesn't know. And there are of course some things I can't tell James- like when I need someone to gripe about him to :) Ashley is still there, it's hard to believe we'll have been friends for 10 years in 2010...and she's still the person I would have help me hide a body. I know I can ask her for just about anything and the answer will be "yes" because she's still, after all the years, fights, and lack of being able to live in the same room together, my sister. I'm also slowly making some "mom" friends that have been a great support system. If you know me at all, you know I'm slow to make friends because I'm pretty painfully shy in situations where I know no one and I'm always scared that people don't like me (Thank you, self-esteem issues). It's taken me almost three years in this mom's group to finally feel comfortable calling some of these women my friends and I'm glad to finally be starting to get comfortable opening up to people. I'm blessed to have all of you women in my life.

I'm blessed to have the family I have. I'm going to tell all of you that my parents are amazing. They have never let us go without and have made sacrifices to make sure their kids are taken care of. Case in point- We've been without heat (or a/c) for a while due to our a/c unit completely breaking down and leaking all over, which ruined my floors and left me unable to use it at all. We haven't had the (almost) $3,000 to replace it, so we were waiting on our income tax refund to come in, but that won't be until February (at the earliest), so we have been trying to stay warm through little heaters and bundling under blankets and making sure the kids were in nice, warm sleepers. The temperature has been hanging around 65* in the living room, so we're not freezing to death, but it's chilly in here. My parents called us on Wednesday night and offered to pay to have the entire unit replaced as a Christmas gift. I was ready to cry because that takes a huge HUGE burden off of us because I was feeling like a failure as a mom because my kids are living in a cold house. I appreciate all these things that my parents have done for us- especially since we don't necessarily have that same help from the other side. So now, we can fix a few other things and catch up on a lot of bills that have fallen behind due to James' lowered income. I am blessed that my parents are also there to listen and talk to whenever I need them. They may share their opinions with us, but they are both a great sounding board whenever we just need to talk things out. My mom has also become one of my best friends, which I never thought would have happened. She garners a lot of respect from me for being such a hard worker and a great mom. I love you, Mom and Daddy.

I want to end this post by asking everyone to count their blessings as a few of the blogs that I read on a regular basis have reminded me that while financially we don't have a lot, emotionally and physically, my cup runneth over. Thank you, God, for giving me all these little blessings in my life and for continuing to bless me and my family.